My letter

Dear Santa,

I know without question that you have placed me on your naughty list. I know this because well, I spent most of this year pregnant. And honestly, we both know that during pregnancy I am not a very kind person. I am sure the rude man at wal-mart has already written you a letter describing my misbehavior to him. But in my defense I would like to remind you that you, being a man, have no clue what its like to be so fat you can't see your feet, okay never mind, you do get that one. But at least you have normal feet that fit nicely into your shiny black boots. Mine were so swollen I couldn't bend them at the ankles and my only shoe option was a pair of sandals and even those didn't always fit the puffy over sized flesh that I had to claim. We also both know, since you claim to watch us when were sleeping, that towards the end of my 9 month sentence I wasn't getting much sleep. Even the makers of Zantac, bless there souls, couldn't ease the heartburn that would keep me in an upright position during those dark hours of quiet while everyone else around me slept. This alone causing me to become a very bitter woman, I value my sleep Santa. So perhaps this year we can overlook the past 9 months of my misery. I promise to be well behaved for the rest of this year. Okay I will promise to try, I am still not getting a lot of sleep you know. But maybe, just maybe since your such a jolly good man, you can grant me one request? Santa, would you please get my husband a vasectomy for christmas this year?